CONFESSION

"I know that what I do as an occupation does not define who I am as a person, but I wonder how much it shapes the way people perceive me"     -Tylor Blake  

The truth is I have apprehensions writing about this, but all I know is that I just want to express what I feel now. I’m in my hotel room, sitting by the bedside, with my laptop and typing on as I give life to my thoughts. I just watched a good inspiring film about a troubled young Hispanic who flew to England to pursue a soccer playing career and despite a number of obstacles, he successfully hit his goal.

Guess I’m lucky to have watched something I understand in a television that shows almost Chinese channels. Anyways, while watching it, I thought of many things including living our dreams. It doesn’t help that I’m in my lonesome and so anxious about my travel tomorrow. 

I’m in Macau now, my second night. Yesterday I was just in Shanghai, and was there for two weeks. Tomorrow, I’m going to Hongkong.

This may be the biggest revelation I have to make. Not that I kept it a secret, more of just being discreet about it. For those who don’t have any idea about what I do, and why do I travel from this to that, well I’m writing about this now. This may sound a bit defensive and sugar coating, but I will be using terms which I think are politically correct and pleasant to hear and read.

I’m an escort, a companionship provider. I would like it that way. I refuse to admit that it’s synonymous to being a prostitute. It may seem to be, but I can speak for my self when I say, I’m not into that point. Prostitution in most part of the world except Amsterdam or other few territories is illegal, and is looked down and considered the most taboo of all professions so to speak. For the longest time that dates back to a time I’m not sure of, prostitutes are confined to a sex house or brothels or can be found in streets later named as red-light districts.

Prostitution is historically and culturally ubiquitous with every society adopting their  own standards and stance.

Given all basis that I can be called as one, I would still want to have the integrity and not lose my self, respect and principles in the process. I would not like to be defined as someone on the basis of what I do. I guess I’m more than this, and distinct from what I do.

As the world braces for changes and modernization, the business of providing companionship for fee has also evolved into many forms. The escort service has come into the picture, allowing escorts to use the World Wide Web as means to marketability. The terms have changed as well, as do the forms of services. Escorts provide a variety of services, from companionship to dates, or to something beyond that. Some you can imagine, some you probably can’t.

I don’t work in the streets. I only work my way through the exploit of the internet. I’m not the conventional sex worker. Foremost, I’m a TS. To some men who keep their secrets, we are their living fantasies, and as shemales, we want them to realize their fantasies. It’s simpler said than done. For men who have been with us, they know what I mean. For newbies, it would be hard to comprehend, or even not come close to understanding. We make men nervous, especially the curious ones. And why not, because we are a living dream. To make that dream a reality is spectacular and realizing that dream so to speak is heaven in itself. Just don’t get addicted to it, it can be obsessing, and later turns into a lifestyle. And why not, the world has more to offer than the conventional, the regular, the common, the normal, the usual and the popular. We are deviant, not the common, not the normal, not the conventional and totally not the popular. But I guess these are what men look for nowadays. A breath of fresh air! A world distinct from the real. To savor the best of both worlds is having the world come into you. You’re getting more than what you may asked for. It’s bigger than life!. Many have conquered the world and some are dreaming too.

I may sound so ethereal, theatrical, scripted and unrealistic. Yes maybe, but to some who have known us, they can say it is real. This can’t be comprehended by people who are not totally into this. Imagination can’t even help them. But for us, and for the men who we have given our moment and attention to, we can agree. I may be partially or totally wrong, who knows?

What goes on behind closed doors between me and my companion is a secret box. To write about what the escapades is another story.(`wink)

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that we are not the common providers. I know of TS escorts, present and retired, who are not typically escorts. They are educated, cultured, multi-lingual, well travelled, well mannered and learneth. That’s why we make men nervous, we are ONE BIG PACKAGE!

This combination alone makes our descriminating gentlemen very nervous. We are supposed to be careless, loud, ignorant, pimped, and carry the demeanor of ignorance. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We are capable of letting people review their doubts about exactly who is a confirmed,  classic provider.

Indeed, we are one big surprise. We cater to gentlemen, refined and upscale even, who demand something extra from their women.  And there is a huge market for our services.

And again, it maybe easier said than done, but behind everything is a complicated thought. One which is rather not given thought but should be done unstructured, spontaneous and felt. But hey, I also say that it is something which should be done creatively, like an art form. It is a business, so to speak, so one has to have passion, commitment and feel to it. I am a persona, so I have to act it out the best way I can. Don’cha wish to know me better, for I'm not your average girl.

I have decided to put up a for sale sign on my time. It is precious for business. But definitely I don't rush, I give a time frame we both are happy and well. I practice safety measures. And I don't show up for an appointment looking like anything anyone ever expects. Well except if I'm in my own room (wink`). I am not the hot, blond girl who weighs 100lbs at 5'11" and not the teenage - looking drunk waltzing through the hotel lobby with all her goods hanging out, wasted and loud, looking every  bit a ho.

I am pretty casual, discreet, decent yet an aura of sexiness.

I worked my way through this, given all difficult circumstances, and unlikely situations. It couldn't be easy too. Some stories are better not heard to give life to mystery and ambiguity. I knew a lot of TS who have mastered this art.

As I put an end to this piece, let me remind you that this is just my thought, and in no way reflect the thoughts of other shemales in the biz. I’m not an expert, not even close to the TS that I admire for their success in this venture.

Just let me be your Kristina Casanova, shemale companion at your service! Kisses!